9:20 am, Aug 21, 2014, sitting at my desk at the job…
THE STORY OF BEING THE MOST JUDGMENTAL HUMAN ON EARTH
I'm judgmental. Like, brutally so. I see a person and I immediately identify all their flaws. I hate it, but I can't seem to help it.
I've read some things about how to "overcome" this problem, and it all boils down to something like, "accept people for who they are, recognize your own thoughts." Whatever. It's fucking bullshit.
I think the truth is EVERYONE is judgmental, all the time. It's programmed in our heads to be defensive about the motives of someone else. Or maybe I'm just justifying my own craziness.
I try not to be. I try to catch myself doing it. But I can't stop the initial impulse.
And I know that all my negative judgments about others is only a reflection of myself. It's all the things I find flawed in me that I project onto others. I hate it, but I can't seem to help it. So I embrace it. Instead of trying to change it, I just let it happen, then turn it back on myself.
For example, if I see a person driving like an idiot I make a complete judgment about them as a person living on the planet. "Oh, look at this dumb asshole, what a fucking moron," I'll think and/or mumble under my breath. Then I'll think, "Oh, I do that, sooooo, I guess that makes me an asshole moron idiot also."
And that's it. If you're judgmental, then you're the same asshole you think someone else is.
8:15 pm, Aug 21, 2014, sitting in Starbucks, checking out the girl in purple pants...
THINKING ALOUD: THE DRY BALLS THEORY
I have a hard time asking for what I want. I have a hard time going after what I want, recruiting the help of others.
Chris Rock had bit where he talks about getting a woman to suck your balls. He said something like, “you can’t just ask her, like, ‘excuse me, would you, uh, mind, uh, sucking on my balls?’” He said you have to tell her, not ask. You have to go after what you want, or you end up with dry balls.
My balls are dry a lot. Because I don’t even ask, I just accept whatever someone is willing to give me. My girlfriend says I have a problem with letting people run all over me. That’s true, in most situations. I’m too nice. I don’t take enough social risks. I overanalyze everything. I try to control what people think of me. And I don’t know how to get better.
I think I should devise a challenge to strike up a conversation with at least one stranger a day. Even if it’s, “hey, how’s your day?” and they look at me then fart in my face. I practice writing every day. I practice other stuff every day. Why not practice social skills every day. I need to remember my own tips, if it’s important, do it everyday. And maybe that should be extended to, if it’s scary, do it every day.
I don’t have anything in the relationships category of life, so maybe this would be a good thing to add for September.