I got out of bed, let the dogs out to do their business, felt sad about Miss Wiggle's knee problem, fed them, then sat on the toilet and played with my phone.
Robb Wolf is one of the "leading" "experts" in the ways of Paleolithic eating. I'm subscribed to his mailing list. He sends about 3 emails a week, which has conditioned me to automatically delete just about everything that comes from him because I usually have no interest in wasting my time reading, for the eleventy billionth time, about how eating like our paleolithic ancestors will cure me of everything and pretty much make me immortal, or something. And also I'll probably never develop the fortitude or discipline or whatever to eat like that long term. But the email he sent this morning made me unsubscribe from his bullshit.
The email was titled something like, "Don't Miss Out On This!!" Then began with, "Don't kick yourself for missing this opportunity..." Right then, I knew the email was going to ask me for money so I could be a part of some consortium of "experts" who were going to teach me how I'm doing life wrong and how they're doing life right. I clicked the unsubscribe button and felt good about having one less thing in my inbox that I have to delete every day.
Then I got to thinking about how everything is scam. All of it, all the stuff and things. Everything is just a great big marketing pitch. Everything is one big lure that leads to some big funnel where everyone is trying to get permission to put their hand in your pocket. All of them, all the websites, all the emails, all the telephone calls, everything, the whole Earth. It's all an intricately designed scam to get you to shuffle money from your side of the table to theirs. The people who you believe are genuine, the "experts," are all liars. They don't have the cure, or the thing that's going to make your life easier, or the whatever other magic formula is going to rid the Earth of everything that ails it. They got nothing but a flimsy premise and a payment gateway.
I was close to throwing my phone in the toilet and flushing it down with the rest of the crap that came out of me. The crap I paid money for, that's destroying my body. But then I felt the need to get on Twitter and see what was happening. I can't live without that.
"Nature is awesome." That was a thought I had when thinking about the email the vet sent me, encouraging me to opt for the surgery because it's the only way to get my poor girl better. Here's that email in its entirety:
"Thanks for the update, Aaron.
I'm glad she's feeling a little better, but I wish she was putting more weight on that leg. She likely has injured her knee ligaments more seriously than she did previously. In that case, she is probably going to do best with a surgery.
We can give her a other week and see what happens, but please let us know if you'd like us to get you to the surgery center sooner.
Gloria Johnson, DVM"
The pressure sales pitch is always an indication of a charlatan. It's the "best" option. Best for who? For me and my poor dog? My pocket will be a lot lighter and I'll still need to go through the whole rest and recovery phase, except she'll also have a horrific and painful wound on her leg to deal with. And there's no guarantee the surgery will "work" as good as conservative management long term. Scar tissue still needs to build up. She'll still have the possibility of re-injuring it, and even more so if she re-injures it while still recovering from the mutilation the vets want to do to her again.
Nature is awesome, and I'm confident that it will, in time, get her back to at least some level of normalcy. She may not ever be able to run and play again, but even with surgery, that's a high probability.
And I'm so mad that every vet is in it for the money and can't make any other recommendations or help in any way outside of, "get the expensive surgery so you'll be dependent on us for a while to make her better, which means you'll also give us more money in addition to the surgery, but fuck you if you think we will guarantee the surgery will work. Are you fucking crazy? We're vets, not miracle workers, except right before you give us the money we'll do our best to make you believe we are."
I laid on the couch all evening, worthless, like a slug that knows it's about to get salt poured on it. My body and mind seem to be resisting crafting a new routine, one that involves doing productive stuff in the evening. One that involves not laying on the couch watching sports that I have almost zero interest in. At least not laying on the couch doing nothing but watching the digital mens do sports things.
When I went to bed, I started thinking of what my next move should be. I really need to get back in the groove, especially in the morning routine. But I started thinking about what I should be doing, or what I need to be doing, and I couldn't come up with anything solid.
What I really WANT to do is get the Human Harvest podcast and musical project underway. I'd really like to spend some time every day, the same way I do writing, doing something musical and/or podcasty, but my mind seems unable to grasp how to squeeze it in to my busy schedule of sitting around playing Two Dots, laying on the couch watching sports, and mindlessly wandering around the house like an eight year old that can't find its mother.
I'd also really like to start an app project. I was thinking about creating a fantasy football lineup generator for daily fantasy leagues. The app would generate a bunch of potential lineups based on projected points and the player's cost. I thought of this yesterday while I spent the better part of an hour coming up with a lineup to use on Fan Duel. I've been wanting to do something in the fantasy football space for a while, a garage start up "disruptor," if you will, that is different than the traditional fantasy that's so popular on the big three sites (CBS Sportsline, Yahoo!, and ESPN). Maybe I'll kick this idea around a little the next week or so and see if I can get excited about it.