3:37 am, Aug 30, 2014, sitting in a crowded Starbucks amongst the other mac laptop wanna-bes…
THE STORY OF WAKING UP MENTALLY CRIPPLED
I was up at 5am this morning, after going to bed around midnight. 5 fucking hours of sleep.
In my weakened mental state, I signed up for Netflix. Yeah, I’m probably the last human on Earth who isn’t a member. Fuck them though. They have some shady advertising philosophies, with all those pop under windows. Anyway, I signed up. Now I’m part of the problem instead of the solution. (P.S. I don’t know what the solution is.)
I wanted to watch Breaking Bad. Everyone says it’s good, so why not? How better to spend almost 50 hours of my life, right?
It’s fucking good. I’m only 4 episodes in and I’m hooked. Fucking A. Another time sink.
So I’ve spent most of my day laying on the couch watching it. I took the girlfriend to the airport again, I have all the time in the world to work on the stuff that matters, and I couldn’t peel myself off the couch. I just don’t function so well on 5 hours of fucking sleep.
But I’m at it now. The sun feels like it’s against me. And I feel dirty, even though I just took a shower. Days like these always make me feel shitty, because I feel like I should always be doing something. I should always be making progress. It’s something The System beats in our heads from day 1. Progress must be made at all costs.
I know better than to think that way. Even though my brain and body protest my lack of doing stuff, I know sometimes it’s exactly what I need. I don’t know why the guilty feelings. Maybe it’s because we’re built to be outside, and the inside of my apartment is like a noisy, dark crypt. Or maybe it’s because I feel like everyone knows that I’ve been laying on my couch all day, wasting my time watching some stupid fucking TV show. Like, they can see the shame I feel inside. That sounds so dramatic.
But I’m at it now, again, practicing what I need to practice, which is this, which is ultra meta. God I hate that fucking word, meta. Fuck the inventor is his eyehole.
Oh, and I discovered a new thing, Ultra HD. It’s like High-High Definition. How much more clearer of a picture do we need? I feel like my senses can’t take any more stimulation than HD already delivers. I don’t even wanna try it, because once I do, I can’t go back. It’s like lifestyle escalation. Once you reach a certain level, it’s impossible to go backwards on your own. You have to get fired or have something bad happen to you to force you back down.
Anyway, that’s my story for today. Suck it if you don’t like it.